


Stay

by ozsia



Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven GO, Inazuma Eleven: Orion no Kokuin
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Coming Out, First Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Post-Canon, Sort Of, Time Skips, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 01:23:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18042788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozsia/pseuds/ozsia
Summary: Endou doesn't turn towards him but Yuuto almost swallows his tongue when his captain slumps into him. 'You know the difference between you and Gouenji, Kidou?' Endou asks as he continues to stare out into the night sky. It's beautiful up here, but it feels lonely now. He looks so distant, quiet.'...no,' Yuuto responds hesitantly.'Me and Gouenji...we're always saying goodbye.'





	Stay

Yuuto’s heard somewhere that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of it is simply awful” and has been thinking about it a lot. He doesn’t know where he remembers it from, or who said it but he relates to it. At this age romance is starting to whisper into everyday conversations, however packed they otherwise are with football for his particular friend group and peers. They're getting older after all and the old muttered suggestions of the past are becoming more consuming, more provocative.

Yuuto will tease some with idle gossip of their interests but never contributes. He doesn't has anything to offer to the conversation otherwise. He’s been asked, sure, and he always resoundingly dodges the question, but no matter what he says - or what he  _doesn't say,_ you don’t spend five days a week with someone without them starting to clock onto the truth.

He'll retain that there's no one and he’s lying, obviously.

Yuuto _is_ interested in someone as hopeless and ridiculous as it is. It’s hard _not_ to like Endou Mamoru once you've met him. Yuuto sees how many girls give him considering looks, how well respected he is. 

"To fall in love is awfully simple" - and it  _had_ been easy. So easy that Yuuto doesn’t remember the climb, or when he tripped from teammate and friend, into this one-sided affection.

Maybe it was always there; that it started with that first game. Before Endou established himself - and had absolutely no advantage, with his team a mismatch of skills and personalities and had no change. Yuuto crushed so many clubs with more; more talent, more training, larger facilities. Just - _more._ They all gave up easy in comparison. But no, Endou refused defeat. Insisted it wasn't over.

Even when they were enemies - “rivals,” as Endou would call them, when Yuuto stood ignorantly beside an evil he didn’t recognise, and Endou had just begun to grow into his own...there was something about that boy, charisma maybe, that made Yuuto stop. Made him pay attention to something beyond his own ambitions. They always had a camaraderie, however undeserved and strange it was at the time. For Yuuto that sort of bond was hard to come by and harder to keep. He’s always been a little too quiet, a little too smart, a little too talented…

Endou, though, never shied away from showering Yuuto with praise; from highlighting their differences in strength. Endou was brave enough to acknowledge that Yuuto was talented, to get  _excited_ over it. Where others were jealous and withdrew, Endou became rejuvenated and sort to improve.

Being in the Raimon Eleven was the beginning, in any case; the first grand chapter. Yuuto came from a good team but Raimon was different. They were the underdogs; scraping the bottom of the barrel. The didn’t have the facilities, the support, the funding. They had just three things: their coach, Endou’s grandfather’s notebook and Endou himself. Other's may have looked down on that, but it made all the difference in the world. Endou’s spirit could makeup for it, could rally them to victory and _did_ and  _does_.

The World Cup was the next step in their evolution. Representing their country together was thrilling, an experience none of them will soon forget. They’ve gone through a lot together before they could; defeating Gods, defending against aliens… Yuuto’s recognised his feelings around then, during Inazuma Japan - nearing fifteen, with the world watching and everything new and large.

He woke up one morning - wrung out, demoralised and questioning their coach, to see Endou’s sunny expression and thinks _oh._ It was sudden, the change. A paradigm shift that had Yuuto panicked and flustered, at a time where he should be focused on two things: football and their coach.

Still, he kept his feelings to himself. Buried them deep under friendship until he almost couldn’t tell the difference. The silence of all the things he didn’t say is suffocating and had him withdrawing without his consent. Yuuto had a responsibility, to do his best for Japan and to do the best he could by his team. His little - _crush_ , was not a priority in the face of everything else he was carrying on his shoulders. 

Yuuto spends years pushing those sorts of thoughts to the back of his head. His feelings settled through graduating from Raimon and entering High School. Settled, like entering a bath which was too hot, and acclimatising to the temperature and Yuuto is determined for his heart not to get in the way as he, Endou and the other seniors all go to Inazuma High School and enter the Football Frontier Tournament again for their district, older and more learnt. 

Their on a new team, though they're the more experienced players. What remains of Raimon Eleven quickly got added to the roster. That had its drawbacks, though it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Other then Yuuto's aforementioned crush, the new people that he has to acclimatise to took most of his concentration. In fact, it's something of a relief, to know that there are less friends around to analyse his behaviour, even if the situation began tense and awkward.

Yuuto's never in the clear, though. 

It's not a great surprise him when Haruna visits him not long into the term. He's moved into student accommodation to minimise on travel. Haruna even helped him move in. She still knocks at his door, a tentative sound Yuuto almost doesn’t take notice of over his brooding. She messaged him before, to ensure he was in and he's been waiting for her since.

‘Oniisan?’ Haruna calls, voice muffled through the door, ‘may I come in?’

Yuuto closes his game notes to the side - one's he hadn't been able to pay much attention to since Haruna asked to visit. He takes a breath to ready himself, and opens the door. ‘Haruna.’ He smiles, his face stretches oddly, cheeks unaccommodating and stiff as he does so. He steps back to let Haruna in and she walks past with a brief word of thanks.

The room is sparse but it’s pretty standard size with a bed and a desk inside. Yuuto gestures to the bed as he shuts the door and Haruna sits without word. Their relationship is stronger now, there’s understanding between them, and forgiveness for past mistakes -  _his_ _mistakes,_ but with the time they’ve missed in each other’s lives, the formalities have yet to be lost.

‘What can I do for you?’ Yuuto asks once he’s dragged his desk chair to the edge of the bed and has seated himself. They spend a lot more time together, on and off the pitch, but it's still not like Haruna just to turn up on the day without prior notice.

Haruna’s lips thin and her eyes flicker away for a moment, as if she's not sure what to say, or wondering how to phrase her words. ‘I’m sorry, for intruding - but...I’ve been a bit worried,’ she states somewhat awkwardly as she fiddles with her uniform. Yuuto hasn't been graduated from Raimon long enough to feel nostalgia but he can't deny he's fond of it.

Yuuto attempts to keep his composed expression but isn’t sure how well he manages it. ‘Oh?’ he says, because he has a feeling he knows where this is going, ‘what are you worried about?’

It takes her a minute. ‘You,’ she replies quietly but there’s a certainty in her tone that makes Yuuto uncomfortable. ‘You haven’t been yourself. You’re...quiet and Endou-san thinks you’re tired, and you _do_ look tired, but…’

‘Endou?’ Yuuto interrupts without thinking, his panic starting to spike. Endou is one of the most oblivious people he’s met, but Endou's sharp too, in his observations, especially when something is wrong with a friend or a teammate. If Yuuto’s popped onto Endou’s radar…

Haruna’s frown deepens. ‘Yes. After training, when you walked off on your own, I mentioned you seemed distant recently.’

Yuuto swallows the words on his tongue because he knows he’ll regret whatever will come out. He continues to focus on regulating his breathing. ‘I haven’t been acting differently,’ not by much anyway. He’s kept up with his teammates and hasn’t refused any of Endou’s casual gestures. He's been as "normal" as he knows how.

Haruna tilts her head, eyes sharp and watchful. Yuuto suddenly recalls that his sister was in the journalism club. ‘It isn’t how you’ve been acting, really, it’s more of a feeling.’ She pauses as one of her hands comes up to pull at her fringe, an uncomfortable gesture she's had she was young. ‘I suppose that doesn’t make much sense…’

Yuuto doesn’t want to lie to his sister. Omissions are one thing but outright lies tend to get bigger until they’re so large they’re impossible to maintain. He loves her and he’s missed her more each day. So, he has to wonder, which is more likely to make Haruna walk away, the lies or the truth?

‘...niisan?’ Haruna prompts as the silence continues. She leans forward, expression intent. ‘Really, if there’s something going on...if you need help. If you want to talk then… I really don’t mind listening, if you want to share anything. I promise I won’t tell anyone.’

Something in Yuuto that’s grown up lonely, yearns to speak, even if another half of him hopes that no one ever finds out. ‘It’s complicated,’ he hedges as his lips tug down unhappily like gravity is against him.

Haruna seems to jump on his admission though, like a striker on a ball and quickly reaches for his hands. They’re in a death grip before Yuuto can blink. Like she's afraid he may let her go. It's ironic, since Yuuto's been fighting so hard for so long to get her close. ‘I don’t mind! I’ll pay attention. If it’s about football, I may not understand everything like you do, but I’ve learnt a lot since I became a manager!’

Haruna underestimates herself. She knows the game just fine. She's a good manager and she's still doing great work at Raimon Junior. ‘It’s...not about football. It’s - more of a...personal discovery,’ Yuuto says delicately. His stomach twists uncomfortably as this conversations nears a decision.

‘About what?’ Haruna asks. ‘Whatever it is, I’m sure we can figure it out!’ Her encouragements are pure and well-intentioned but Yuuto’s still uncertain. This isn’t something that can be worked out or "fixed", just gotten over. Haruna’s trying so hard, though, to be helpful, so earnest in her wishes for him and Yuuto finds himself unable to deny her.

‘It’s just...difficult. I’m not sure how you’ll react,’ Yuuto attempts to explain without giving everything away.

It brings Haruna up short and she pauses. ‘You’re my brother. Whatever it is, it can’t change that.’  

Haruna is a good person and she’s never spoken a bad word about anyone. But homosexuals - despite laws now begrudgingly in their favour, still have problems in society; attitudes are still frigid towards them and everyday disapproval isn't uncommon. Yuuto isn’t entirely sure he's gay, he’s never really held an interest in anyone but Endou and he also knows how little that will matter people.

That being said, can he afford to tell Haruna? Can he afford _not_ to? Maybe he’s been foolish in hoping that no one would notice. Yuuto’s been around the same group of people for so long, they all _know_ him. In retrospect, this was probably bound to happen.

‘...but what if it does? What if it’s something that will...affect how you see me?’ Yuuto shifts uneasily and the desk chair squeaks under him. Haruna tightens her hold on his hands and he swallows. ‘It’s...I’m not even sure how to…’

Haruna’s face morphs in confusion and her concern doubles. Yuuto can’t blame her, with the way he’s talking. ‘I’m sure it’s not that bad,’ Haruna says but her voice is bemused; unsure of how to react to him and what he _isn’t_ saying.

Yuuto takes a breath and can’t help but feel a bit sick. He frees one hand to allow him to pull his goggles up, revealing his eyes to Haruna despite how he may want to keep them obscured. Yuuto then manoeuvres their hands so that their fingers are interlinked, as if he could keep her in place just with that. If she wants, Yuuto will let her go. He’s learnt not to try and ignore her feelings again.  

‘I’ve...I have someone that I like,’ Yuuto admits. _Just take the plunge,_ he thinks. _Jump_. He reverts his gaze, lingering on her throat and the colour of her second year ribbon. Haruna's meant to be going to Inazuma High School once she's graduated; will she still want to after this? ‘For a few years. He - doesn’t know.’ The words are stilted and he hates how his voice trembles. He’s never felt so unsteady.

Haruna freezes. ‘He?’ she repeats lightly as her hands loosen around his and he tries to stop his initial reaction to scramble after them. To hold them tighter, closer. Yuuto loves his sister and she's the only family he has left, the only connection to his parents and an otherwise happy childhood before the plane crash. He can't lose her.  

Yuuto swallows with some difficulty. He can taste acid, feels hot. ‘Yes. I’m not sure...if in general, I like men, but I know I like this one.’ 

‘Years?’ Haruna asks again for clarification. He nods. ‘That’s a long time...have you confessed?’ This is a question Yuuto hadn't expected. Confessing requires something other than passive pining, it meant taking charge, taking _action_. 

‘No,’ Yuuto replies without thought. ‘Of course not.’

Haruna blinks. ‘Well, why not? Who is it?’

Who, indeed? Yuuto always found the question redundant. Who else _but_ Endou would he like? Who else could have captured his attention so completely? Still, saying it unsettled him. He contemplated leaving it unanswered until Haruna's thumb pressed itself against his knuckles. 

‘Endou,' Yuuto finds himself admitting, 'I like...Endou.’

Haruna blinks. ‘The Captain?’

‘Yes.’

Her lips pursue but Yuuto doesn't know what else to tell her. An apology is on the tip of his tongue but he leaves it unsaid as she stares at him. The intensity of her eyes burn. ‘And...you’ve really not told him?’

‘No! I - I mean...no.’ His exclamation leaves him uneasy as he tries to soothe his flustered disbelief into something that's simpler to manage. Yuuto doesn't manage it, feels himself fraying around the edges as he finally lifts his eyes to meet hers. 

‘Are you going to?’ Haruna asks like that's the only thing that matters. She doesn't mention the more glaring issue. Doesn't seem to even consider it. She's too accepting of this announcement, too -

‘Why are you so calm about this?’ Yuuto can’t help but snap and nearly bites his own tongue in half when he realises he's done it. Does he _want_ her to have a bad reaction? The worst case scenario doesn’t seem to be happening and he’s complaining like an ungrateful child. ‘I - I am sorry. I just...expected - I don’t know.’ 

 _Liar,_ he thinks. Yuuto's had nightmares of disownment, of isolation, with no friend to speak of and no support. He dreams of his friend's discomfort, their disapproval. He imagines losing his position and Endou's regard. 

Haruna seems at a loss at his outburst, but her face is just as open to Yuuto as it was yesterday. ‘Well, it’s a surprise,’ she states after a pause. ‘I guess I didn’t expect it...but, niisan, we’ve already lost our parents. We’re the only ones left. Why...why would I put who you like over how much I love you?’

Yuuto swallows. 'It - it doesn't disgust you at all?'

Haruna frowns. 'No. Of course it doesn't. I was - kinda starting to think you just weren't interested in this sort of thing. Since...since you always said when people pressed you that there was no one. And that worried me, a bit. I don't like the idea of you being on your own.' 

The crushing loneliness of the mansion imposes itself back onto Yuuto's shoulders. Haruna has visited his guardian's home only a number of times and Yuuto knows that despite living in luxury it could not compare to Haruna's foster parent's small apartment. For what it lacked in space, it more than made up for in love and comfort, things that Yuuto's lacked for a long time before Endou came around.  

'Even if...if I'm with a man.' It's not a question. Haruna hasn't pulled away, hasn't flinched from him or this topic. Here, she is fearless, like she often is though courage isn't often credited her. 

'I don't care about that.'

Yuuto throat is blocked. He bows his head to hide the water pooling along his lower lash line. ‘I didn’t mean to think the worst of you.’

‘It’s okay,’ Haruna says to his unspoken apology. Always, always unspoken; Yuuto's never been good at them, even when he desperately needs to say them. It's just another thing Haruna accepts about him. ‘It’s fine. Lift your head.’

Yuuto clears his throat as he does so, blinks back the tears and they share a smile. 'You're my favourite sister.'

Haruna's cheeks flush in a pleased blush despite some embarrassment, as her eyes glint. 'I'm your only sister.'

Yuuto snorts.

‘So...the Captain,’ Haruna grins, tone bordering on mischievous, ‘I guess you did follow him to Raimon.’

Yuuto feels his face become heated and knows his complexion will hide little of how her teasing effects him. This seems to only amuse her further. ‘That was to defeat Zeus!’

Haruna giggles. ‘But you like him now? Mou, I wish I knew if Endou-san liked boys. He’s a hard one to guess. Sometimes it feels like all he thinks of is football. Are you sure you don’t want to tell him? He’s not someone who’ll react badly, I don’t think. He’s too gentle.’

Gentle. She’s not wrong. The only time Yuuto’s ever seen Endou angry is on behalf of someone else and he cares. He cares deeply for just about everyone around him. Even when it's not convenient, even when it's disadvantageous. ‘I don’t...want anything to change.’

‘Not all change is bad, you know, niisan,’ Haruna chides softly, like she's afraid it'll hurt.

‘Yes...but, I don’t like my chances.’ There are just - so many people interested in Endou, prospects that are less of a risk than Yuuto. And even with the fewer male candidates, they were still  _better._

Yuuto would be foolish not to recognise Hiroto's affectionate gaze whenever their together, or Fideo's tactile physicality. They're barely around, though, are too far removed. 

'What?' 

'I'm not even his closet friend, Haruna,' Yuuto mutters with no small amount of embarrassment, 'if - between me and Gouenji...' 

There's some bitterness there. Because unlike with the others, Gouenji is a good friend, a teammate from Raimon. Someone he trusts, who he cares for and yet he can't help but think -

between Gouenji and himself, Gouenji is the one with the better insight into Endou's life; he's the closer of the two of them. Yuuto isn't jealous of this, it's not something he can change, but he can't lie to himself and not feel - discouraged.

‘Why not? You and Gouenji - with the Captain, the three of you have an obviously strong bond, but you’re the one who follows him. _You're_ the one always by his side!' Haruna states passionately, probably remembering; like Yuuto is, how Endou fell apart while they fought Aliea Gakuen and how it wasn't because of the conditions, or the impossibility of the tasks ahead that broke him, but how his teammates gave up on themselves, Raimon's football and Endou that managed to hurt his spirit. Yuuto has tried to forget Endou slumped, lifeless on Yokato Junior's roof but he knows he'll always remember.

'You have the skills and experience to be a captain of your own team but you stay with Endou-san, instead. You’ve always stayed for him, haven’t you? You've even moved further away, when you could've gone to a better high school.’ Haruna's never brought up Yuuto's decision to ignore more competitive academies, because it was just understood that the Raimon Seniors were going to Inazuma High School. Yuuto certainly hadn't had any other plans.

Yuuto can’t deny what Haruna's insisting on, either, but he also can’t say that Gouenji isn’t part of the problem. ‘I just...loved their football.’

Haruna’s expression turns sly. _‘His_ football?’ She corrects teasingly.

‘...you really don’t care, do you?’ Yuuto says in wonder, because it's a shock however much he's also trying to deflect. He doesn't much to think about it, he'd much rather focus on his gratitude instead. How has he gotten so lucky with his sister?

‘Well, I wouldn’t say that. I want you to be happy and it sounds like you’ve been waiting for the Captain for a while. If you won’t ask him...I mean. No, you’ve liked him for a long time. I just wish you would confess,’ Haruna babbles, almost nervously. ‘I don’t know if this will mean much to you, but I think he’d…’

‘It’s not just Endou, it’s everyone else,’ Yuuto admits as he glances away. ‘If I were to come out, it would draw a lot of attention from the reporters. It would distract from the game and the team doesn't deserve that sort of scrutiny; not with the tournament and the World Cup coming up next season.’

‘I...didn’t think of that, but your team wouldn’t think less of you and I certainly don’t. Aren’t we all who matter?’ Haruna asks.

‘You’re the only ones who _should.’_ Yuuto inclines his head in agreement and while this is a weight off his shoulders, it's not all he has to worry about. ‘But, I know we're going to be considered for Inazuma Japan and I...can't destroy Endou's chances.'

'Niisan...'

'It's not just that. When we graduated, we're going  professional and I...can’t say it wouldn’t affect us getting signed. And if Endou was implicated…' The very thought is nauseating. 'Haruna, I can’t get in the way of this for Endou.’ Yuuto's future is one thing but gambling with _Endou's?_ No. Absolutely not. 

Haruna's expression becomes sad. ‘Niisan, you're - the both of you, you're the best. The very _best._ The Captain is both a Libero and a Goalkeeper and has one of the highest catch rates in the FFI. He’s a moodmaker, with incredible stamina and a good work ethic and you...niisan, you’re a Midfielder who can work both on defence and offence. You’re an incredible playmaker, who not only has one of the highest stats for possession in your block, not to mention you're unselfish with the ball. You're able to analyse opposing players and their coaches and - you’ll both be getting signed _no matter what._ ’ Haruna’s speech is heartfelt and full of faith, as it was insistent. She's half risen from the mattress, cheeks glowing. 'You shouldn't _have_ to pick one or the other.'

'Haruna...' 

She must hear his reticence because she withdraws though it's with obvious disapproval. ‘If you don’t _want_ to confess then… okay, but you should be able to, if you do.' 

Haruna has that stubborn line to her mouth. Dad got like that, Yuuto vaguely recalls. More sense than memory.

'It's...a bit much.' 

Haruna's nose wrinkle in frustration but after another moment of silence, she sighs. 'Just - think about it? Please, niisan?’

‘...alright,’ Yuuto says. ‘Okay.’  

**Author's Note:**

> Man. I wrote a draft of this /years/ ago. But I still like it and this pairing. Honestly, my headcanons is that Kidou would be demiromantic and Endou would probably be on the ace spectrum. I'm such a mess in this fandom. Everything's unfinished. I'm sorry (^^"). I'm working on it.


End file.
